the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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