I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
