first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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