I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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