He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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