please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
