i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
