she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
