better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
