I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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