please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Can I color on your dick again?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
NoShamevember. You game?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
