My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
