Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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