He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Randomize
