the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
