i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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