Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
