Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I lost the right to judge tonight
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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