I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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