Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
