We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
