K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
