I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
