i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
