kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He felt like a one man threesome
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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