the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
