Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
