May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
