I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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