I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
