So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
