the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
