mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
