Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
