how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
