I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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