Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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