I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
