are you still at the devil's house?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
