Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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