just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
