He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
