I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
