I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This baby is an asshole
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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