It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
