ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
