suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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