Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
our cab driver is having phone sex.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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