I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
