literally had 100 drinks last night.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
